Dear hormones, what the F?

As some may know, Robert and I have been trying to get pregnant with baby #2 for about 3 months now. Well, this is my fourth cycle since we stopped using protection. Obviously, we haven't gotten lucky yet, which is fine. Although, because of my PCOS, I teeter on the edge of panic each time my period comes or I get a negative on a test, but I know that in the grand scheme of things we shouldn't be worrying yet.

Toward the end of last month I decided to buy one of those nifty ovulation predictor kits. I wanted to ease my fears that I wasn't ovulating at all and assure myself that there's no looming problem, just not our time yet. Well, I got my smiley face on November 5th and I did a little happy dance. Of course I was ready to get right down to business but that's easier said than done with a toddler running around so we planned to wait until he was fast asleep. No such luck there because a friend who had borrowed hubby's car called with some bad news: the car had broken down a whopping four hours from here and the hubs had to leave immediately and go pick him up. They drove to a hotel (he broke down in the middle of no where) and fixed the car in the morning. My mom got into town that day and Robert and I spent some much needed alone time that night..dinner, movie, hotel room..the works. So, although the deed could not be done the day of that beautiful smiley, it was done the day after, which according to the package is still in the fertile time period.
That was 10 days ago. I've had a few "symptoms" but I always have symptoms when I think I might be pregnant. I notice the littlest things and more often than not, they mean nothing.

Fast forward to last night. I'm getting in the shower and I notice a few bumps on my nipples. I experienced the same change when I was pregnant with Xander and I just thought "huh..". Out of instinct, I squeezed. And sure enough..a couple drops of fluid appeared. I tried again, and again, and yet again..a minuscule drop each time. Very odd, I must say. I yelled for the hubs and showed him. "It's probably just a zit." Umm, I'm pretty positive that people don't get zits there. But just in case, I tried the other side. A small drop. So here I am, dumbfounded.

Of course we jumped right on the computer. "Call Dr. Internet", the hubs says. And of course, still as lost as before. We found out that most people don't lactate without being pregnant but it is possible due to hormone changes. We also found out that it's not common that early in a pregnancy but that it sometimes happens because of a reserve from a previous pregnancy. So, that left us just as confused as when we began.

Of course I woke up and immediately peed on a stick this morning. Negative. Even more dumbfounded. Is it too early to test? Quite possibly. I only ovulated 10 days ago. Implantation occurs 6-12 days after ovulation, meaning that may not have even happened yet. But, it is 5 days before my expected period and the test says it produces a 6 day early result. Maybe I'm not pregnant. But why would my breasts just up and decide to release a few drops of fluid after I've been dry in that area for over a year? And of all of the times to do so..when we're trying to conceive and know for sure we had sex on a fertile day? If this is a trick..it's a really mean one. lol.

So, here I am. Waiting. Wondering. Asking every question possible because I just don't get it. Hubby doesn't want to even talk about it for fear that his hopes will go up. When I told him about the negative he said "I knew it. Just hormones. It's not feasible to lactate 10 days into a pregnancy." He's right about that. But is it more feasible to lactate when you're not pregnant at all? Ugh..who knows?

I'm not sure why I felt so compelled to throw this out into the blog world. I don't have an announcement and I'm sure that anyone reading is just as confused as I am, wondering well now what? I guess we'll know in about a week. At least I feel a little better getting it all out here. Looks like we'll take it day by day and I'm sure I'll be shouting it from the roof tops if we find out any good news.