Ten

My husband and I just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary a few days ago.

Ten. whole. years.

It's kind of amazing when you think about it.

When I was a young girl, I pictured myself finding the "man of my dreams", getting married, being madly in love, and spending every day in wedded bliss for the rest of my life.

What a found was a somewhat scrawny teenage boy who made my heart race when he looked in my eyes, who made me laugh until my belly hurt with his ridiculous antics, and who was so completely opposite in many ways from that "dream" I had in my mind.

Love is a crazy thing. It sneaks up on you when you least expect it. I thought my husband was really cute and really funny, but marriage material? That wasn't on my mind. It wasn't because I was 17. I could have sworn to you at 15 that I was going to marry the guy I was dating. He was nice, and smart, and safe. But Robert was spontaneous, and incautious, and a whole lot of fun. Picturing a serious future with him wasn't my initial thought. He just really made me happy.

Turns out, I fell in love. And day after day, we grew closer together until it became so clear that we wanted to spend every day together. For a month, for a year, for a decade and beyond.

On March 1st, 2008 I married that man that was but a boy when we met a few years before, and really, at 19 and 20, we still weren't nearly as adult as we thought we were at the time.

Choosing to walk side by side with someone for the remainder of your days is a pretty incredible decision. And when you're barely adults, the remainder of your days is going to be a very long time.

When we stood there in a little church on the west side of town, we said our vows, and I believe we meant them. But I don't believe we truly understood them, not the way we do now.
As you grow older and you experience life as a married couple, the meaning behind those words spoken becomes much more clear. You start to understand that "for richer or poorer" isn't just speaking about money. It means that you choose each other, even when that possibly means letting go of some other things. It means that there are sacrifices to be made and you make them for the greater good of each other. You realize that "in sickness and in health" isn't always concerning physical things or referring to when you grow old and frail. It means embracing your spouse during a bout of depression, learning to cope with their anxiety, and fighting their demons and addictions alongside them. You realize that "until death do us part" doesn't just mean for a very long time. It means that every day that you are waking and breathing, you are choosing to love your spouse the way they need to be loved. It means cherishing a past, working hard in the present, and creating a future together.

We all say the same things when talking about our spouses. We know we love them tremendously, and we say things like "I couldn't live with you." or "You're everything to me."
In all honesty, we repeat those cliche phrases because it's just too hard to put what we really feel into words.

I know I could live without Robert and he could live without me. Neither of our existences would cease if the other was gone. What I really feel is this: I know that either us living our lives without the other is an option. And I know that I truly do not want that. I know that, while my life without him would go on, it would be a struggle. It would be heartbreaking. And it would be a lot more boring.

I know that there are other things in my life that mean a great deal to me: my boys, my friends, my family, my interests, my desires. Robert isn't *everything* in my life. But the truth is: He is intertwined into everything. He is part of all those things I mentioned and more. And without him as part of those things, a huge piece of the puzzle would be missing.

So many things have happened in ten years--I couldn't begin to describe them or list them. We have changed quite a bit but there are parts of those 17 year old kids with stars in their eyes that linger on.
There are many ways that I can express my love for my husband, my appreciation for our marriage and partnership, and my admiration for all we've accomplished and created together. But none of it would be adequate. So I will spend the next ten years, and the ten after that, and the ten after that...and so on..showing him in all the ways I know how.